I can't even begin to tell you how many prayers I've shot up to God begging Him for guidance in parenthood! Often my prayer goes something like this... "Please Lord, don't let me mess my kids up! Cover me in your grace... AND cover my children's ears and heart from anything I say or do that doesn't reflect you well!" If you're a mom, I'm sure you'd agree, we just desperately want the best for our children and hope that we don't get in the way of just that!
This week has been crazy. Everyone has been going a different direction and we have a lot going on. In all the commotion I came to realize that my kids are growing up! Yes, I know... this shouldn't have come as a surprise to me! All kids do it, I've had years to prep myself for it, yet is comes at a surprise of how quickly it all happens. I was bombarded with the reality that time is so precious and that investing in that time is everything! This sentimental mom moment carried my thoughts to a topic that has been re-occuring in the last few months...
What is our deepest desire for our children? And how are Troy and I, as the parents, cultivating in them this desire?
And this, I recently read...
"My daily prayer is that God would use (your) victories, wounds, and transgressions forged along the way to encourage others to risk losing everything to know the life God dreams for them, for you... Your journey will be where God's pleasure and your purpose meet, not mine. Your destination is the same as mine- an intimate encounter between you and your Creator- but your route will be filled with adventures, both mild and wild, made just for you. No less challenging. No less exhilarating. Uniquely yours. As when Abraham placed Isaac on the altar, when we're ready to risk what we hold most sacred, we step into that adventurous life, the only one that matters. There we find our purpose and feel His pleasure- His delight in us." Passport Through Darkness by Kimberly L. Smith
I have found only recently the courage to step out and feel God's purpose in my life. It is difficult to do so when life is moving so quickly. When fear creeps in and doubt weighs heavy on my heart, thinking about all four of my kids eyes watching, soaking in every decision we make, brings me to my knees in prayer. I find myself begging for the courage and wisdom to live "this life on the edge- where so much is uncertain, maybe even scary, certainly out of our control; but also where true freedom lives" ....so that, they will do the same with their life!
And I continue to pray and probably always will, "Lord, please don't let me mess up my kids!"
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