I am sitting here trying to figure out what to make of 2012 as though there is a phrase, a feeling, or a thought that could sum it up. It was neither up nor down, nor anywhere in between. Neither hard nor easy. Almost from the beginning, it did seem to require that I live very much in the present, and to live very intentionally. I am reminded of the quote that goes something like planning is essential, plans are useless. And now with the luxury of looking back I can set some order to what it was. Perhaps it's this planning in reverse, as though the year were all intentional, that puts me at ease at the beginning of each new year.
I've said it before, I love January. I love the newness, the fresh start, like a blank canvas destined to be created into something great. On the first day of this new year, I escaped the stuffiness of the Y treadmill and took my run outside in the fresh air. I organized my thoughts, I counted the months till a possible referral, and I decided on how great I was going to be this year. January is almost always a season of doing hard work, laying down roots, forging new habits which makes the flowering seasons of spring even more sweet.
I am feeling very optimistic about a referral by next December. As I put every Christmas decoration away, I think about how close we will be when I pull them out again next year. 12 months, it really isn't too long. I am determined to make the most out of these months in supporting my friends who will bring home their children this year, and preparing my own family for an addition. I've got Ethiopian food on the menu this week!
After Thanksgiving, Cole and I decided to go off gluten to see if it helped his concentration. (I participated for moral support.) By removing gluten from my diet, I unexpectantly cured myself of fibromyalgia pain that I have battled for nine years! No medication, no pain. I am sleeping good and I feel like a new person. How unbelievable is that? I still can't believe it as this has truly rocked my world. Eating isn't much fun now and I think I might have some record for the amount of corn chips consumed by one person, but I am still learning. We are still waiting to see if Cole is benefitting by eating no wheat, but I am turning into a walking advertisement on how food can make you sick.
Maybe all 2012 was, in reality, was the makings of 2013. The behind the scenes of new paths, new lives and new stories still penciled in rough draft. I sit here, looking out at a gray, damp day and I think of the seeds underground. The plants out there freezing and lying dormant absorbing that necessary chill only to awaken anew when the time comes. I remember that they will do that without any help or plans from me, they will do it because they are created for it.
May 2013 bring you all of your heart's desires, even in the smallest doses. I hope that you will be given all that you need to feel comfort in what it is you are created for. Thank you for being here with me and allowing me to have a comfortable space to invest my thoughts. I look forward to sharing this year with you.
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Monday, December 24, 2012
At Our House
We are baking.
We are playing.
We are remembering.
We are snacking.
We are decorating.
We are anticipating.
We are resting.
We are wishing you a joyous Nativity & that all you love & cherish will be near to you.
Monday, December 3, 2012
Thanksgiving
Troy makes good things happen. It's one of his many qualities for which I'm grateful. I'd like to think that my talents complement his, that we're a good balance for one another, helping each become better through the conduits of being in tandem.
The beauty and mystery of a family is all the talents coming together to create a unique concoction, sometimes creating harmony and other times a dissonance that has me tilting my head in discomfort until it ceases, as it inevitably does.
Cole, with his ever sunshiny disposition, his dramatic body language, complete with the snappy jazz hands and open mouth. He likes to please others and make people laugh, and talents of a visual nature come easily to him. He has no time to waste on clouds of gloom and his sensitivity to others is elevated beyond the normal 9-year-old. His show of gratitude comes from someplace deeper than lessons from parents. We, in turn, are grateful for him.
Clark's personality is unfolding. He is blessed to have a flock of adoring fans built into his daily life. Parents and brother's alike who rush to soothe his cries, to play with him and show him the world. He is demanding, but I have a feeling he will give more than he'll ever take.
Jack, the oldest, is the voice of the tribe. While he has the pressure to do everything first, "right". He makes everything look easy. He has the ability to turn every situation positive and has years beyond his 13 year old body. He brings maturity and honesty to every situation. He leads the crew and what he wants is usually agreed upon.
Clare doesn't miss a thing. She knows when we've passed our street, she knows who is where, and she knows where things are (although it's often because she has hidden them). She knows. Her knowledge will soon be wisdom and she uses those pieces to identify outcomes and possibilities. And boy, is she fun.
The beauty and mystery of a family is all the talents coming together to create a unique concoction, sometimes creating harmony and other times a dissonance that has me tilting my head in discomfort until it ceases, as it inevitably does.
Cole, with his ever sunshiny disposition, his dramatic body language, complete with the snappy jazz hands and open mouth. He likes to please others and make people laugh, and talents of a visual nature come easily to him. He has no time to waste on clouds of gloom and his sensitivity to others is elevated beyond the normal 9-year-old. His show of gratitude comes from someplace deeper than lessons from parents. We, in turn, are grateful for him.
Clark's personality is unfolding. He is blessed to have a flock of adoring fans built into his daily life. Parents and brother's alike who rush to soothe his cries, to play with him and show him the world. He is demanding, but I have a feeling he will give more than he'll ever take.
Jack, the oldest, is the voice of the tribe. While he has the pressure to do everything first, "right". He makes everything look easy. He has the ability to turn every situation positive and has years beyond his 13 year old body. He brings maturity and honesty to every situation. He leads the crew and what he wants is usually agreed upon.
Clare doesn't miss a thing. She knows when we've passed our street, she knows who is where, and she knows where things are (although it's often because she has hidden them). She knows. Her knowledge will soon be wisdom and she uses those pieces to identify outcomes and possibilities. And boy, is she fun.
Sometimes I feel overwhelmed at the task of mothering these souls. And we get to watch and attempt to help, perhaps more like flounder, as we teach what we know, share what we've experienced and hope and pray that they will want to learn and use our mistakes and missteps to their advantage to start life a few rungs higher.
So, as we prepare to celebrate our day of giving thanks, I feel gratitude for the personalities that I call my family. They add flavor, they add zest, and above all, they help me to strive to be better, and soon they will surpass everything I'm able to teach them.
Which is exactly how I would have it.
Happy Thanksgiving.
So, as we prepare to celebrate our day of giving thanks, I feel gratitude for the personalities that I call my family. They add flavor, they add zest, and above all, they help me to strive to be better, and soon they will surpass everything I'm able to teach them.
Which is exactly how I would have it.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Monday, November 12, 2012
I Walk the Line
When we were making the decision to move from the Catholic church to Covenant, it was a struggle for us. Mind you, the Catholic church was not the ideal place for us. We were uneducated ritual followers who liked the conformity of tradition. It did serve as a platform to "wanting" to be have faith and trust in God, but it lacked so much that we were seeking and equipped us with nothing except a nice group of catholic women that taught me about catholic traditions, rules and guilt.
The biggest hang-up for me (and sometimes still is) of joining a Protestant church is not having to pray through a priest and determining how I am comfortable worshiping. Three years ago when we tried our new church we felt odd. We felt like it wasn't reverant enough, too casual. Where were the robes, organ and holy water? Where were we supposed to kneel?? We should have rules here people, and there certainly shouldn't be any hand clapping or hand raising.
But you see, in our Catholic church we felt distanced from God and it felt like a "safe" place to be. After all, the priest did all the work. He handled the praying, forgiving my sins and gave out the bread of salvation every week so I could start out new. There really wasn't much expected out of me besides maintaining the guilt and serving Saint Vincent de Paul.
Now, three years after joining Covenant church, I find myself in a much different place. I am called to be the seeker, an active participant, holding myself accountable, being missional and knowing who God really is. We are responding to our faith through an adoption, we pray regularly, we are learning the Bible. Our eyes are opened to what has been done for us and how deeply we are loved. We've changed. Our actions are more deliberate, our smiles more genuine, our time better spent.
That said, there are some days I want to go back to taking a back seat. It was easier. Some Sundays I look around and think to myself all these people have noodles for brains and want to go back to the kneeling bench, rosary beads in hand, repeating Hail Marys. Furthermore, I admit, sometimes I want to hide, call the whole thing off. It was easier being the follower. I could claim to something I wasn't because it was more mainstream, and acceptable. I admit that somedays I don't have any idea what I am doing and clinging to "Jesus" feels off the wall and crazy. I would willfully be what "the other guy is" because it I am fine with being in the middle of the road. Sometimes, I feel doubt and feel like I am too far behind my Christian friends who can recite scripture and seem to have it all figured out. Faith just doesn't seem like a convincing way of explaining the world. God doesn't seem to be near or answer my worries and sometimes I lose hope.
Does this mean I have doubt to where I am, or am I just tired? Do I want acceptance more than I want God? Are the questions I ask normal or have I just earned myself a ticket on the next train to Hells-ville.
Here is what I think...I think the doubt is good.
Somedays I think of my faith as a castle—safe, comfortable, familiar. But what if God doesn’t want me to be comfortable and safe? What if comfortable and safe keeps God at a distance?
Doubt tears down the castle walls to force us on a journey. It may feel like God is far away or absent when in fact doubt is a gift of God to move us and grow us.
But it is scary and painful because I feel like I am moving away from Him. But actually I am only leaving behind the idea of God I like to surround myself with—the small God, the God I control, the God who agrees with me.
God is teaching me to trust him, not myself. He means to have all of me, not just the surface, going to church, volunteering part. Not just the part people see, but the part no one sees.
Not even me.
I’ve heard this many times: “Let go and let God.” It’s true—but “letting go” might be more than I bargained for. I must be taught, for I absolutely will not willingly go there myself. When we are not letting go, when we try to stay in control of something, that’s when God turns off the light and makes it dark—not because he is against us, but because he is for us. When we are out of control, that is when God can speak to us—without all of the layers of stuff we have piled up inside of us. God puts us out of our control so that we can learn to trust—not “believe” or “have faith” but something deeper and harder:
Trust.
You can only trust when you have let go completely, when you don’t try to control. When we learn to trust God out of our emptiness, we become liberated from our attachments, from our fears, and we learn to live with freedom and joy. That is the Christian journey.
The biggest hang-up for me (and sometimes still is) of joining a Protestant church is not having to pray through a priest and determining how I am comfortable worshiping. Three years ago when we tried our new church we felt odd. We felt like it wasn't reverant enough, too casual. Where were the robes, organ and holy water? Where were we supposed to kneel?? We should have rules here people, and there certainly shouldn't be any hand clapping or hand raising.
But you see, in our Catholic church we felt distanced from God and it felt like a "safe" place to be. After all, the priest did all the work. He handled the praying, forgiving my sins and gave out the bread of salvation every week so I could start out new. There really wasn't much expected out of me besides maintaining the guilt and serving Saint Vincent de Paul.
Now, three years after joining Covenant church, I find myself in a much different place. I am called to be the seeker, an active participant, holding myself accountable, being missional and knowing who God really is. We are responding to our faith through an adoption, we pray regularly, we are learning the Bible. Our eyes are opened to what has been done for us and how deeply we are loved. We've changed. Our actions are more deliberate, our smiles more genuine, our time better spent.
That said, there are some days I want to go back to taking a back seat. It was easier. Some Sundays I look around and think to myself all these people have noodles for brains and want to go back to the kneeling bench, rosary beads in hand, repeating Hail Marys. Furthermore, I admit, sometimes I want to hide, call the whole thing off. It was easier being the follower. I could claim to something I wasn't because it was more mainstream, and acceptable. I admit that somedays I don't have any idea what I am doing and clinging to "Jesus" feels off the wall and crazy. I would willfully be what "the other guy is" because it I am fine with being in the middle of the road. Sometimes, I feel doubt and feel like I am too far behind my Christian friends who can recite scripture and seem to have it all figured out. Faith just doesn't seem like a convincing way of explaining the world. God doesn't seem to be near or answer my worries and sometimes I lose hope.
Does this mean I have doubt to where I am, or am I just tired? Do I want acceptance more than I want God? Are the questions I ask normal or have I just earned myself a ticket on the next train to Hells-ville.
Here is what I think...I think the doubt is good.
Somedays I think of my faith as a castle—safe, comfortable, familiar. But what if God doesn’t want me to be comfortable and safe? What if comfortable and safe keeps God at a distance?
Doubt tears down the castle walls to force us on a journey. It may feel like God is far away or absent when in fact doubt is a gift of God to move us and grow us.
But it is scary and painful because I feel like I am moving away from Him. But actually I am only leaving behind the idea of God I like to surround myself with—the small God, the God I control, the God who agrees with me.
God is teaching me to trust him, not myself. He means to have all of me, not just the surface, going to church, volunteering part. Not just the part people see, but the part no one sees.
Not even me.
I’ve heard this many times: “Let go and let God.” It’s true—but “letting go” might be more than I bargained for. I must be taught, for I absolutely will not willingly go there myself. When we are not letting go, when we try to stay in control of something, that’s when God turns off the light and makes it dark—not because he is against us, but because he is for us. When we are out of control, that is when God can speak to us—without all of the layers of stuff we have piled up inside of us. God puts us out of our control so that we can learn to trust—not “believe” or “have faith” but something deeper and harder:
Trust.
You can only trust when you have let go completely, when you don’t try to control. When we learn to trust God out of our emptiness, we become liberated from our attachments, from our fears, and we learn to live with freedom and joy. That is the Christian journey.
So, friends I will continue my internal saga and I will come out alright. I will arrive a little disheveled and messy, but I will get there in the end.
Thursday, October 25, 2012
I've been really having fun with our new fundraiser. I have mastered the art of pie making! After many practice pies, we have our recipes nailed down and pie dough and whipped cream no longer intimidate me. All three pies offered have exceeded our expectations of a pie in terms of taste and presentation. So if you are in my area, consider purchasing a pie from me this Thanksgiving and supporting our adoption. All pies are made with much love and help bring our little boy home from Ethiopia through the blessing of adoption. I can't wait till he is older and I can tell him all the crazy things I did for him before I even learned his name.
Thanksgiving pie offerings include:
* Classic Maple Pumpkin
* Mom's Apple Pie
* Old Fashioned Chocolate Fudge
Suggested donation is $17 per pie.
Please make checks payable to "LifeSong for Orphans" with "Farrington #2562 Adoption"
in the subject line.
To place your order, please email farrington76@verizon.net with the following information:
1.) Your name, address, and phone number
2.) The quantity and flavor(s) you would like
3.) Preferred pick-up day and time (pies are available the entire month of November)
All Thanksgiving pie orders must be placed by Sunday, November 11th.
Pies will be available for pick up at my home on Wednesday, November 21st.
Friday, October 12, 2012
Being a Mom in the Mundane
When I am buried under never ending piles of laundry or sweeping crumbs off the floor for the 15th time in a day it can be easy to forget how being a mom is one of the greatest adventures of my life. I have hard, yuck days at home with the kids just like everyone else. I have days when I am counting the hours until bedtime and days I would rather cry than intervene in one more fight. Those are days and moments I try to get through and move on.
Thankfully, the yuck is far outweighed by the simple goodness of being a mom. Not much compares. I love that I get a front row seat to watch as 4 kids grow into the people that God created. Talk about creativity at the ultimate level! My favorite times are usually found in the mundane. The thing about the mundane is if you are too busy with everything else in life you miss out on it.
Simple. Memorable moments.
When I am too busy I can easily notice the fighting among my kids…and not notice developing friendships.
The mundane, day-to-day life….just killing time in the backyard. Life is too fast paced, I want childhood to be slow. I want to celebrate the mundane and recognize that most of life is made up in the mundane.
I want to be in the little moments with my kids maybe even more than I want to be in the big moments.
When I slow down and walk along side them in the mundane I recognize things I might not otherwise. Things like how my 2 year old puts stickers on his legs upside down to the world, but right side up from his perspective. Celebrating the day to day can often seem upside down for our culture, but it seems right side up to me.
Thankfully, the yuck is far outweighed by the simple goodness of being a mom. Not much compares. I love that I get a front row seat to watch as 4 kids grow into the people that God created. Talk about creativity at the ultimate level! My favorite times are usually found in the mundane. The thing about the mundane is if you are too busy with everything else in life you miss out on it.
Simple. Memorable moments.
When I am too busy I can easily notice the fighting among my kids…and not notice developing friendships.
The mundane, day-to-day life….just killing time in the backyard. Life is too fast paced, I want childhood to be slow. I want to celebrate the mundane and recognize that most of life is made up in the mundane.
I want to be in the little moments with my kids maybe even more than I want to be in the big moments.
When I slow down and walk along side them in the mundane I recognize things I might not otherwise. Things like how my 2 year old puts stickers on his legs upside down to the world, but right side up from his perspective. Celebrating the day to day can often seem upside down for our culture, but it seems right side up to me.
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Make A Wish
I must admit. I am having an off week. My sensitivity is in overdrive and I have an embarrassing long list of misfit problems - all small, making me no less than somewhat cranky.
The first two weeks in October sting my heart. For the past 6 years these weeks are spent designing Make-A-Wish Foundation's Report to the Community. This booklet celebrates the generous contibutions and sponsors of the year and it points out the children who have received their wishes from the previous year. I break down every time I read a child's wish and see their face. I imagine the child's family and admire the strength, faith and fortitude needed for battling the emotions that must come with a sick child.
Each year I spend more and more time praying over this project. Tears flow and such sorrow is felt for each family. As each child's face comes up and their wish statement, I feel a rip on my heart. I wonder if the families have the strength of Christ or are they doing this alone. I wonder how many times they questioned and doubted if there was a God that allowed them to experience such pain. I wonder if they have people lifting them up and standing beside them as they experience the greatest loss of all...a child.
I would personally like to add peace to the statement because it would add a closure to the loss. We need peace to move on. I need peace every October in knowing that God has it all taken care of. I have no doubt that each of the names I type to receive remembrance have been here for OUR benefit. They DID something. Changed someone's heart, attitude, or mind.
Nonetheless, the way I look at my day is different every October. I can not stand the thought of laundry, meal planning, and homework when people are really facing something big and painful. My compassion is stepped up a notch and I get ultra sensitive about world issues and get sarcastic about "the little picture".
It is all about perspective. So every October, I get all prayer centered around sick childen and the families that face the loss of a child. So where are my thoughts the other 11.5 months of the year? Am I apprecitive to the health of my family? You bet! And do I get all sentimental when I am faced straight on with tragic loss, yes! I don't know if that is condescending or just pain ridiculous on my character.
Now here I am at adoption. I went on Rainbow Kids last night took a hard look into the faces of children who already faced loss and needed a family to love them. It is interesting to see the big picture, see where God is working on me and seeing how my sensitivities are often wrapped around what is closest to my heart.
The first two weeks in October sting my heart. For the past 6 years these weeks are spent designing Make-A-Wish Foundation's Report to the Community. This booklet celebrates the generous contibutions and sponsors of the year and it points out the children who have received their wishes from the previous year. I break down every time I read a child's wish and see their face. I imagine the child's family and admire the strength, faith and fortitude needed for battling the emotions that must come with a sick child.
Each year I spend more and more time praying over this project. Tears flow and such sorrow is felt for each family. As each child's face comes up and their wish statement, I feel a rip on my heart. I wonder if the families have the strength of Christ or are they doing this alone. I wonder how many times they questioned and doubted if there was a God that allowed them to experience such pain. I wonder if they have people lifting them up and standing beside them as they experience the greatest loss of all...a child.
Make-A-Wish® Philadelphia & Susquehanna Valley grants the wishes of children with life-threatening medical conditions to enrich the human experience with hope, strength and joy.Every year I read that mission statement, pause and think about how great that it really is. There are so many facets to the wishes these children receive. Yes, I believe the program's intent is to give these children happy memories and solid family time with their loved ones. But I think the words "hope, strength and joy" are extremely powerful and all point me to Christ. I see Make-A-Wish as a bridge for helping families cope with losing a child, celebrating what is important and memorializing the life we are given. The words are all qualities of our heart. Hope, is for that smile and laughter that tells us it will all be fine. Strength is pointing fully to Christ because we can't do it alone. Joy because the perspective is different and the priority has changed and the smile wins out.
I would personally like to add peace to the statement because it would add a closure to the loss. We need peace to move on. I need peace every October in knowing that God has it all taken care of. I have no doubt that each of the names I type to receive remembrance have been here for OUR benefit. They DID something. Changed someone's heart, attitude, or mind.
Nonetheless, the way I look at my day is different every October. I can not stand the thought of laundry, meal planning, and homework when people are really facing something big and painful. My compassion is stepped up a notch and I get ultra sensitive about world issues and get sarcastic about "the little picture".
It is all about perspective. So every October, I get all prayer centered around sick childen and the families that face the loss of a child. So where are my thoughts the other 11.5 months of the year? Am I apprecitive to the health of my family? You bet! And do I get all sentimental when I am faced straight on with tragic loss, yes! I don't know if that is condescending or just pain ridiculous on my character.
Now here I am at adoption. I went on Rainbow Kids last night took a hard look into the faces of children who already faced loss and needed a family to love them. It is interesting to see the big picture, see where God is working on me and seeing how my sensitivities are often wrapped around what is closest to my heart.
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