Time Brings Confidence

Time seems to exponentially speed up once you have a child. And by the time child number 4 comes along it seems like you set them down to crawl around, go put in a load of laundry and get dinner started, and you turn around and they're starting middle school.



I am grateful I am where I am, though. College was great fun, but I'd never want to do it again. My 20s brought me marriage and motherhood, and while I certainly think fondly of my first year of being a mom, I am more than content to be right as I am.



I have learned confidence. I have practiced perseverance. I have discovered abilities. I have grown as a wife and mother.



It's that whole sapling allegory, you know? The one who is subjected to the storms learns to bend, change, and become stronger. My mind is stronger, my passion is brighter, and my love and ability to love is larger.



I'm thinking that while time is speeding up, it's worth it when each decade gets correspondingly better.

Hot Cars and Wise Women

Did I mention I love summer? I’m working on a post to tell you all about what we’re doing this summer but in case I never finish it, you should know that I love summer with all my soul. I love the early morning sunshine, the birds, the warm breeze. I love the kids sleeping in, living in our swimsuits, the constant fort making and making 100 varieties of popsicles. Every summer I institute big academic plans which I always fail at and cause much anxiety and stress. This year, there are no plans and I am liking it. We are going with the flow. Math facts and spelling practice is taking a back seat for a few weeks while I chill with the kids on the back porch playing I Spy and Clue. While it certainly isn't all magical, I do love having them around and I feel very fortunate to be home with them. 

This evening while I was sweeping water out of the garage (which Clark watered), I watched my neighbor drive down the street in this car.Another neighbor was in the car with her and they were picking up the woman who lives across the street from us. It appeared that my neighbors were all going out to dinner together. These three women are in their 70s and have been living on this street together for about 40 years. They raised 10 kids between the three of them and as one struggled as a single parent, and another cared for her dying husband, these women stuck together. As I watched them pull out of the driveway and head toward town, I first of all wanted them to pick me up, but secondly, was struck by the bond that they must share. I LOVE each of these women. All of them have made a life for themselves that is worth admiring. You can tell that they find joy out of life and take pride what they are doing today, not a decade ago. Truly, the three of them could write a book about their lives. All three so different because they were dealt different circumstances, but all three equally interesting and wise. So again, I tried to imagine my life in 40 years as I was sweeping out my bike cluttered garage. Will I remember this phase? Or more importantly, what will the young woman across the street think of me. Will I be an inspiration, or a let-down?

Yard Sale Debrief

About three months ago we sent out letters to our friends asking for their junk so we could sell it at a spring yard sale.  Easy money, right? All going into our adoption fund. I was open to the idea of taking people's junk early and storing it so we could really obtain the maximum amount of stuff. Honestly, I didn't realize the time, energy and patience that was needed to pull off a fundraising yard sale.  We became hoarders and I am sure the neighbors were delighted to see our stuff piling up. Our basement was filled, the kids were banned from it. The screened back porch had stuff piled high and you could hardly walk through the garage. The husband was cranky about it, the kids couldn't find their bikes and the house seemed really really small. I am a borderline minimalist in that if an item doesn't have a function, it isn't in our house. But contrastly, we took in every abandoned item in a 10 mile radius to sell.
The yard sale EVENT took place on May 20th and we were all geared up the night before. We were ready, waking at 4:30am in efforts to get everything out. We had a bake sale that the kids manned, posters explaining our fundraising efforts and smiles on our faces ready to greet our first customer.

The sale was a huge success. I can attest to the fact that people got a DEAL. We didn't charge much on items and that largely attributed to lack of confidence in the selling arena. (by me). We made just over $1,000!
We had loads of stuff left over so we held another sale the week after and sold another $500.
So here we are after the fact, still purging the excess goods hoping for a good home and thankful for all the generous people who donated items.

Troy and I were given the opportunity to talk with a LOT of people the past two Saturday's about adoption, and how we were guided down that path. Obviously, there were people who didn't care a hoot about the fundraising aspect, but there were also a handful of people who really were curious or felt the urge to donate a little bit more. The people who looked me in the eye and gave just a dollar more really hit me. That glimmer of generosity in people is what kept me smiling, kept me going through the day, and gave me the confidence to be an advocate of orphans in my community.
I am so humbled to see how this future child of mine is more of a blessing to me than I can ever be to him.

Rush No More

This is the last year I got to have my side-kick, Clare, home with me for most of the day, every day, to bake and read and dance and pretend and laugh. 

Everyone, and I mean everyone, says children grow up too fast.

“In a blink, they’ll be grown!” says my mom, my mother-in-law and the woman with the silver hair who smiles as my energetic, not-so-tiny bundles bound down the grocery aisle. I’ve even said it myself.

Those words have burned into my soul. They are like nails on a chalkboard to me. I hate those words.

And I’ve realized that it’s because as time passes, as they grow, I’ve missed it with all my blinking.

With all my living my life so full that it feels empty.
No more.
I hold the power to make each moment count.
I can slow time down.

I can stop worrying about every last detail and start paying attention to every important detail.
…crab apple tree dressed with white blooms and my favorite peony plant just starting to open
…empty lines of crisp paper
…just popped popcorn hot and salted just right
…light breaking through fingerprinted windows at the perfect moment
…flip flops smacking with each step
…heads thrown back in fits of giggles
…the smell of warm, vanilla cake magically rising in my oven

Loudly acknowledging in thought, in prayers that this moment is sweet.

Not rushing through my appreciation.
But letting it burn into my soul.

Man is a mere phantom as he goes to and fro:

He bustles about, but only in vain;

he heaps up wealth not knowing who will get it.
Psalm 39:6

You might be a mom...

If you’ve ever caught vomit with your hands.

If you’ve ever considered a trip to Target alone a mini-vacation.

If you’ve ever told a group of adults you need to go potty.

If you’ve ever hidden in the bathroom to talk on the phone.

If you’ve ever had a funeral for a cricket or pulled a soggy lizard from the washing machine.

If you’ve ever used your own spit to clean a face or adjust a wild cowlick.

If you’ve ever thanked God for Magic Erasers.

If you’ve ever hidden chocolate in the house.

If you’ve ever lied to children.

If you’ve ever shaken a pile of crumbs from your purse.

If you wouldn’t trade your unpaid job for all the money in the world.

If you’re not a mom, you certainly had one.

Happy Mother's Day!

Garden Plans

I can actually hear that giant expanse of prepared soil outside begging me to plant, plant, plant. I hear it. It has a kinda whiny voice. That could be my own voice in my brain I imagine.

My mom and I made our annual excursion to Lancaster last week with hopes of buying plants for our garden at a deal.

We took Clare with us, making it a authentic "girls-day". We took off early, but not early enough after dropping off Clark and making sure that the van was oiled up. We made it, but dilly-dailled much too long second guessing our wagons wondering if we got enough.

Clare was excellent, understanding of our wonderings, and happy to make runs to the wagon, arms full of plants. With the weather warm, the excitement was tangible, everyone eager to get home and sink a shovel in the dirt.

I surprised a fellow gardener as I held the Habanero 6-pack in my hands, he warned, "Hottest pepper in the world, dear." I said, "I know, sir, just wondering if I'd like Habanero, red or green for my garden this year...but if I come home without any, my husband will be unhappy!" He looked at me with surprise as I explained to him that we jar our own salsa and it has to be spicy.

Each year is an experiment for me. Anticipating what will grow well, what will the groundhog eat, what will get a plight, etc. I am banking on another good tomato crop. We've never had success with the cucumbers, thanks to the groundhog that lives under the shed. I've already caught a glimpse of him and he is huge and definitely spoiled. This year I am devoting some space to a "cutting garden" so I can decorate our kitchen table with fresh flowers.

I am still working on Troy for chickens. I told the kids that if we do a really good job with the garden this year, maybe we could get chickens next year. I know that chickens are not much like vegetables, but they will both be in the backyard. I just want their eggs. And to give them swanky old fashioned names. The chickens, not the eggs. :)

Wish me luck!

Cartwheels and Juice

If you are a member of our family, there is at least one constant. We go on walks. a lot. Sometimes they fight it but mostly, they have learned that that's just what we do. I've witnessed so many beautiful snapshots of our family during a family walk. One recent one was the brothers having a deep conversation. They really get along, those two, and I thank God every day for giving them each other. I pray that they will always be close. Clare is the one who is usually picked on but sometimes she wins the affection of Cole. The two of them like tag and scooter races. 

"All I want is to do cartwheels and drink juice"

This is what Clare says after our most recent walk. She wasn't joking, she was just stating what makes her happy. This little girl of mine seems to be growing up everyday. She loves running around barefoot, doing flips on the trampoline and doing cartwheels. (I think that girl is on her hands more than her feet.) She is my most active child, physically and mentally. I can talk to her and she understands. She gives it to me straight and she has amazing people skills. But I swear to you, she has a duel personality. :)

She is my child who bends the rules. Makes me uncomfortable. She doesn't like to listen. She often gets me in situations where I have no control.  She is often times only happy if things are done her way and when she senses she has an audience, she goes wild. Ut-ohhh.

This little girl of mine, who is happy on cartwheels and juice, please stick with me. Let us grow together over the mixing bowl chatting about white flour vs. wheat flour and how long you need to knead pizza dough. May we always chat about why God made pesky groundhogs and why squirrels like bird food. Let's make forts under the covers and pretend that day is night while we sip juice out of fancy tea cups.