Slowing Down

When we focus on what is good and beautiful in someone, whether or not we think that they "deserve" it, the good and the beautiful are strengthened merely by the light of our attention.  

When we choose to see and appreciate what is good and beautiful in our children, the goodness can't help but grow, and their beauty blossoms forth.

Katrina Kenison, The Gift of an Ordinary Day

There are tons of thoughts swirling around in my head about the Created for Care retreat this past weekend. I spent lots of time with 450 moms who taught me a thing or two about God, hope, friendship, grace, adoption, marriage, identity, family, and much more. It was a beautiful time away and the information gathered in my notebook, mind and heart is invaluable. I was a bit "star-struck" by many of the moms who I have been following since the beginning of our adoption journey a couple years ago. Seeing/meeting them in person proved them to be even sweeter than I imagined. 

The past week has been a whirl wind of coming and going. Firstly, Clark broke his leg on the trampoline with the older boys last Wednesday. I have much guilt for allowing him on, assuming the kids would know to be gentle. But honestly, I was just thinking the other day how tough he looks out there, hanging with the big kids, jumping strong. I've been treating him like a very cuddly big kid. The broken leg is kind of a blessing to remember my calling as a mom. I need to put aside the sewing, the cooking, yard projects and computer work and just BE with my kids. Little Clark is needing constant supervision and while it is completely exhausting, he and I are bonding. I've totally embraced his love of reading. He could seriously sit beside me for hours reading books. He is NOT a TV watcher. He likes the occasional spotting of Thomas the Train or Curious George, but he won't sit through an episode of anything. Playdoh is really high on the entertainment list and so is peeling the paper off crayons and throwing them around the kitchen. 

I am totally digging our new book club book. 7- An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess, by Jen Hatmaker. 7 is a true story of how Jen took seven months, identified seven areas of excess, and made seven simple choices to fight back against the modern-day diseases of greed, materialism, and overindulgence. I did have my doubts at first and I contemplated ditching the book for some extra time on Pinterest. I figured the book wouldn't apply to me because we don't overindulge in "stuff" and we really don't spend money unnecessarily. I am not a shopper, I grow our own veges in the summer, we covet our nights together as a family and I would say we were tight on space before I would admit we could cut back. The reviews for the book are awesome so I decided to give it a try. I am only one-third through the book, but I am loving it. I see the experiments as so much more than just giving stuff up. I am talking about freeing up the space in my mind. Lifting the fog, becoming more present. There is so much I over-think on a daily basis that keeps me from a truly simple existence.

On a health note, three weeks ago I gave up dairy. My first objective was to help with my hearing loss that seems to get worse with no explanation. Secondly, I was simply curious to know how I would feel. After a week of a constant dull headache, my body has detoxed and I am feeling good. No gunk in my throat and my head feels lighter. I did learn that 90% of Ethiopians are lactose intolerant. I am happy to be exploring new options for our little guy. My goal is to eat completely whole foods, but I will tell you it isn't easy. I wish to simplify my choices, get rid of what is unhealthy and unnecessary.  I quote Jen Hatmaker, 

Our grandmas ate local meat and vegetables from their gardens; we eat Pop- Tarts and Velvetta. Today in America the culture of food is changing more than once a generation, which is historically unprecedented. This machine is driven by a thirty-two billion-dollar food-marketing engine that thrives on change for its own sake, not to mention constantly shifting nutritional science that keeps folding in on itself every few years.

Not as Planned

Dear Kelly,

You must try to remember that waking up at 5am doesn't make for a better day. Instead of getting tons done, you just start more projects which makes for a more frantic (and tired) you, at 12 noon.

Secondly, never buy a snow jacket again because they are apparently "not cool", will never be worn and the argument about whether or not it is cold enough for a jacket is one you will regret.

Two year olds don't like five quick stops in and out of stores. Browsing in the toy aisle is not advised and will end in the two year old climbing out of the cart and running after Thomas the Train and bouncy balls. Don't pick the candy lane at check out because your two year old will handle (and break) all the Twix bars and the five year old will sniff every last pack of gum. At the fabric store you relent to the cart battle and let the kids play amongst the fabric as you search for red satin. When you can't find the two year old, check the batman fleece. He will be hiding under it, giggling. At the Post Office, the two year old will take off his jacket at least 10 times and cry because he wants it, "On! On! On!" The only reason you are in the post office is to send another Express Mail package to the USCIS because you actually forgot to sign it the first time!

Driving home, you actually start to see humor in the whole escapade. You remember how quickly you slid by an older couple in the Dollar General as Clark tapped the lady on the back and said very loudly (with reindeer antlers on his head), "Ho, Ho."

At home, you are greeted by the morning mess, still not picked up. The dog snatched a stick of butter from the counter which was softening for cookies. You decide that the day needs a start over. You get into jammies and slippers and sip tea. The kids might think you've lost it, but you are reminded of all the work you have to do and you should probably get up early tomorrow because today didn't go as planned.

"How was your day?"

"So, how was your day?" What did you do today?" These two questions I am getting asked every night at the dinner table by Jack. For the first two months of him asking me these questions, I have been too shocked that my 11 year old is engaging me in adult conversation to not say much more than, "Fine...I don't know what I did really...laundry, work, park..."

Really Kelly? This is the best you can come up with? Stop giving one word answers and shake it up a little! I am notorious for being guilty of exactly what I get all bent out of shape with what my own kids do. What kind of conversationalist I am?

So last week, I chose to shake it up a little.
On Monday I got some eyebrow raises when I told them I drove to the airport and watched airplanes take off all day.
On Tuesday, I told them I spent the morning watching ESPN highlights then drove to the Lego store and bought all their Christmas presents.
On Wednesday, I told them I tried out for a role in the upcoming play, Fiddler on the Roof and got the lead.
On Thursday, I told them all about how I took first place a lawn mower riding contest and won us a trip to LegoLand, but I had to turn it down because of the play performances.
On Friday, I blew their socks off when I explained all about how Clark and I went fishing and caught a 6 foot catfish in the creek behind 7-11 and was asked to be a guest in that creepy show, "River Monsters".

What I got was some great laughs.
This week, I am asking them what they did...

Today's Challenges

Clark challenge: occupying oneself while most siblings are off to school. 
Mom challenge: see above. 

Clark challenge: balancing a yardstick in the dump bed of a toy truck. 
Mom challenge: resisting talking about things like physics with a 2 year old. 

Clark challenge: wearing shorts. 
Mom challenge: finding shorts. Clark's shorts that is. I found mine. 

Clark challenge: how fast does it take to unroll an entire spool of thread.
Mom challenge: how fast can I build a Lincoln Log house suitable for a family of six and one picky 5 year old. 

Clark challenge: deciding what snack to dump all over the kitchen floor.
Mom challenge: persuading the dog not to jump in a mud puddle.

over and out, Kelly and Clark

September till May

Here it is September. With two back to school nights down, life is good. I really despise attending back to school nights. First of all, it is expensive. Everyone wants money for their committee. Secondly, I don't fit in. All these parents asking about the reading program and the grading rubrics, and the spelling tests makes me want to scream. The mothers were asking questions, the fathers were diligently taking notes in their IPhones. I figure, my kids will fill me in.

I have always given my children's teachers tons of credit. They are able to have a personal relationship with every child in their classroom and know when to push and know when to back off. I know I couldn't do it, and it does me well knowing that my kids are in good hands.

So, I say life is pretty good now that most of my kids are in school. My house stays somewhat clean, adoption stuff is moving ahead, I can devote myself to games that I don't have to read the directions for. Outings are way less chaotic and Clare and Clark get along perfectly as long as she is allowed to be the boss.

My fairy tale came to a screeching halt today when my 8 year old refused to get out of bed, then refused to eat breakfast then refused to put his socks and shoes on. He was refusing to go to school. "I hate school!" he screamed, "Everyone is teasing me." Ohh, no, I thought, what has happened to my boy? He has had a bad case of poison ivy and missed a day last week. I had a suspicion that it was more of a personal day, and I was ok with that. My heart broke for him today and a big part of me wanted to say ok, you don't have to go. You can live with me forever and I will protect you. I realized that September through May, the teachers see my children more than I do. This makes me want to cry. I put him on that bus, regardless, his eyes filled with tears, me praying that he will be fine.

The entire day I thought about him wondering if public school was the best place for him. Wondering if he was feeling rejected or hurt or incapable, and when 3:30 came, I had a nice snack on the table and I looked him in the eye and told him we needed to talk. He apologized and said his day wasn't so bad. He admitted that he needed to ask for help more often and with tears in his eyes he told me, "school is hard, I have trouble in math." I told him that there are teachers in that school just dying to be able to show off their mad math skills to him, he just needs to ask for help.

Over cookies and yogurt I listened to the kids talk about a paper football showdown and a lego building contest. I quickly realized that these years with my kids are the best its going to get. I silently vowed that I will wholeheartedly enjoy them, deal with the mess and enjoy their laughter, their dirty feet, the legos underfoot and their innocence. So when the chandelier shakes with them dancing to their favorite song, "Dynamite", I will not tell them to turn it down, I just might go dance with them.

Take Heart, A Letter to Myself

Dear Kelly,

One of the greatest lessons you will learn through motherhood is that you are more capable of adaption than you would have imagined. When your family changes, you will figure it all out. At first, you will wonder all over again how to manage your day-to-day life with additional children, but then, remarkably, you will figure it out, and it will become second nature. Motherhood may strip you of your ability to think in a straight line, but it awakens your ability to be flexible, to find creative solutions, and to learn what is worth holding onto, and what should be let go.

Here you are at the beginning of this amazing journey to add another one to your family. Take heart, be patient and let God be in control. While the home-study is time-consuming, the dossier makes you want to cry. While you wonder if you will ever get through the paperwork you remember that little one waiting at the end of this process. Frustration sets in and you feel like you are drowning in a sea of paperwork.

It will all get done, eventually. Maybe not on Kelly's time, but one step at a time. Stop waking up in the middle of the night wanting to talk to Troy about silent auctions and passports. Breath. Pray. Trust.

This adoption will turn your life upside down. Already, your heart is outside of your body, connected to this baby in a far away country. This is why you have trouble reading Tom Davis books and hearing about what is going on in Africa. Your heart is virtually walking around Africa where it might feel hunger, injustice, and suffering. This is the plight, and the privilege, of an adoptive mother.

Sincerely,

Yourself